Dear Nice Lady

Dear Nice Lady,

Yesterday I picked up my daughter Zoey from Kindergarten and she was so excited to tell me something very exciting. I was in a hurry and switching car seats and swapping children and freezing cold and did not stop to take the time to listen - listen to the 5-year-old excitement in her voice and notice the fact that she had just used a version of the word excited about ten times in 2 minutes. Instead, I jumped in the car to get to the next thing on my list of things to do and told her I was listening. "Mommy," she started, "a really nice lady gave me money to buy..." I stopped her dead in her story right there.

"Who gave you money? How much did she give you? Why did someone give money to you?" I demanded.

"We were at the Secret Shop..." she continued.

"Zoey!" I yelled. "I told you we were not going to buy presents at the secret shop. You disobeyed me! I want to know right now who you asked for money and how much they gave you. I am so embarrassed you asked someone for money. Who's mommy was it?"

"I didn't ask her and I don't know who it was," Zoey tried to explain, "she just saw me and gave me money so..."

"Do not lie to me," I retorted. "People do not just give little kids money. YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!"

I was fuming mad. MAD that some "nice lady" had the audacity to give money to my daughter. We are not a charity case, I thought, and I certainly do not need another mother judging me because I did not send money to school for the stupid Secret Shop. By the time we pulled into our driveway I was ready to call the school and report this "nice lady" as undermining my decision as a parent... and then I looked in the rear view mirror and saw tears streaming down Zoey's cheeks. She could not even look at me, and something inside me melted.

We silently got everyone and all our stuff in the house and Zoey curled up in a ball on the couch and sobbed. I got Kaia and our play date friend settled playing and went and sat close to Zoey on the couch, then pulled her onto my lap. She's almost too big to sit on my lap, I thought to myself, and then my own tears started to flow.

"Zoey, I am so sorry I yelled at you and reacted that way. You are not in any trouble. Tell me what happened today." It felt so uncomfortable to apologize to her and I realized that I do not do it enough.

Through her sobs she explained that she was not planning on buying anything, and even told her teacher she was "just going to look today" because all of our presents had been purchased. "But then I saw something that I really wanted to buy... for YOU, mommy. It's so pretty and YOU will love it. I didn't ask the nice lady for money, I promise, but I accidentally started to cry because I wanted to buy the present for YOU so badly but I didn't have any money. She just gave me the money. I promise."

I cannot even articulate what I felt in that moment. Zoey had been in tears because she wanted to buy a present for me - the mother who had just yelled at and berated her child for disobeying and lying - and you, Nice Lady, saw a child in need and acted. Amidst my shame in how I had just treated my daughter, I wept with gratitude for another mother who had comforted her when I was not there. I prayed silently and plead with God that He would somehow bless you for giving that money to Zoey.

"Zoey," I began, "will you please forgive me? I was so wrong to treat you the way I did and say the things I said."

"I will always forgive you, Mommy," she replied. We hugged and cried and then she said she was hungry.

Later, I received an email from Zoey's teacher explaining what had happened. It was the same account that Zoey had relayed, and she even praised Zoey for her maturity and poise in a difficult situation and assured me Zoey had not asked anyone for any money. A mother from another Kindergarten class had given Zoey the $1.50 and said, "This will be your Mommy's most prized gift, I am sure." Her teacher kindly suggested that I let go of any "mother guilt" for not sending in money - "I know you," she wrote, "and I know you will feel badly about this, but don't."

The gift is wrapped and under our tree. Whatever it is, it will be my most prized gift ever because it will remind me to be slower to anger and more humble and to take the time to listen when my child is so excited to tell me something. It will remind me to notice a child in need, even if the child is not my own, and to serve others and to allow myself to be served by others. It will remind me about the selflessness of my 5-year-old daughter and the powerful lesson she taught me.

So, Nice Lady, thank you - from the bottom of my heart - for noticing my daughter's silent tears and giving her $1.50 to buy me the most priceless of gifts.

Sincerely,

Dalene Olson