Boo to Halloween

Halloween and I are in a fight.

I do not like spiders, even fake ones, covering the inside of my car. It causes a bit of, shall we say, stress.

I do not like that I had to take items to Zoey's school for her class party (the one she is too sick to attend) and that no one thought to tell the first-time-parent-of-a-kindergartner (me) the protocol of where to drop the items and that I certainly would not be welcome to drop them off in the classroom.

I do not like that I had to drag my sick daughter and her little sister back outside and to the pharmacy because they did not mix any flavoring in her medicine yesterday (and she literally could not keep the stuff down) because now it is something I have to request when I pick up her medication. That information may have been useful yesterday. When I was at the pharmacy. For the first time.

I do not like that Zoey should be at school, in her costume, with her friends, having fun, eating treats, and instead she is stuck at home for the fourth day in a row feeling really lousy.

And, Halloween was not very kind to us last year, either. So, yeah, we're fighting.

seriously, so blessed

That's how I felt all day today.

This morning my husband listened to me sob about the injustices of my world that made me feel like I was crumbling, and then built me back up onto solid ground. I love him fiercely.

My daughters made me laugh and thanked me for a "perfect" lunch.

Well-wishes poured in from every. single. member. of my immediate family, and many amazing friends.

One of those friends offered to watch our girls - sans payment! - so Brian and I could go out alone. We hesitated for .01 seconds before we responded, "Yes, please!"

We spent a lovely evening together as a couple. We talked, laughed, cried (okay, just me), and ate yummy food.

I was spoiled with gifts and texts and cards and phone messages.

And all I could think was, "Seriously, I am so blessed!"

Happy Birthday to me.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is tricky for me. I feel a lot of guilt. I should make it more about the wonderful mothers in my life and the lives of my girls. I should be sad for those close to me who want to celebrate this day for themselves and can't. I should, I should, I should.

Today, I made it about me. Rather, my little family made it about me.

 Brian gave me the best gift - seriously so thoughtful and awesome! - but I can't post it here or husbands everywhere would be in trouble.  Then I got to go to church with my family. My girls had the CUTEST matching dresses, thanks to Aunt Jenifer, and we had friends over for dinner. The whole day was just lovely. 

I hope yours was, too.

This is the card Zoey brought home from school for me. I laughed (see the first two) and then I bawled (see the last one). It just made me feel, for a moment, that maybe I am doing SOMETHING that matters. That was a great gift.

I just wanted one nice picture. JUST ONE. We took 21 pictures. Zoey poses for EVERY picture now and Kaia squints for EVERY picture now. It makes for awesome pictures. Totally awesome.

the monster inside of me

I have a monster inside of me. I think I know where it came from but I'm not at all certain how to get rid of it. It is mean and relentless and oh-so-exhausting.

The monster rears its ugly head always when I am tired and the baby is crying and the soon-to-be-three-year-old is whining and the house is chaos and the dishes are in the sink and it says things that are cruel but very easy to believe.

And when a mess is about to be made or the baby is awakened or the soon-to-be-three-year-old doesn't listen or the husband is late then the monster really rages.

The monster's fury amplifies when the soon-to-be-three-year-old pees on the carpet and the bathed, changed, and fed baby cries for two hours straight and sleep for me is still 10 hours away. It exclaims, "You cannot do this! You cannot do this! You cannot do this!"

The monster makes me not want to do anything and then throws daggers of guilt for not doing all the things I am supposed to be doing.

And more exhausting than dealing with the monster itself?  Pretending it isn't there at all.  Saying, "We're great! Thanks for asking!" or "Yep, we're doing fantastic!"  because, really, who wants to hear about the monster wreaking havoc inside of me?

the one with a bit of bragging

Today I was able to throw a baby shower for my dear friend, Jamie. It was a lot of fun to plan and even more fun once everyone arrived. Plus, I received a lot of compliments which is great for someone like me who needs a little admiration every now and then. My favorite compliment (besides "This is by far the best shower I have ever attended."): "I can tell you really love Jamie to do all of this for her." Because, after all, it really is not all about me but definitely all about Jamie and her soon-to-arrive baby girl - both of whom we do love so much!

Baby pictures, courtesy of Jamie's mom in Idaho.

Gift table with thank you cards my awesome husband made (to match her invitations); PLUS we had everyone address their own envelope.

The oh-so-yummy food, minus a huge vegetable tray that arrived later, and beautiful flower arrangement by Shannon.



Downstairs in the basement we had onesies and burp cloths to paint.



And we also had the baby's name with paint to match the nursery.



Finished product turned out SO cute.



My favorite: the pink candy bar where guests could create their own departing favor.

We have a relatively small living space, but I think I used all the space wisely and people were pretty comfortable. The best part of the shower, though, was sharing letters from Jamie's mom and sisters who live across the country. Sweet, indeed!

the one for masochistic kicks

Just for masochistic kicks...

Here is my HUGE self 4 weeks before Zoey's due date: swollen nose, hands, feet, EVERYTHING. (But doesn't the hubby look cute?)

And here is my HUGE self 4 weeks before Baby Olson #2's due date. Definitely an improvement, wouldn't you say? C'mon, someone please tell me I look better than I did three years ago. I do, right? It's not just me?